Passing hard time and being self-murdered

As a very deep thinking person I am passing a very much hard time in my life and being self murdered. Slowly I am destroying my sweet sessions of life. I don’t know that neither I will be happy or not. Though I am still making hope and running towards my dreams.

Passing obstacles, and facing another brick of obstacles. Totally it’s a matter of being disappointed. Don’t know where is the limit beyond my sorrow. Still I am sleeping underneath dreams. I haven’t any questions to GOD.. Just want to ask GOD why he is continuously showing me the situation similar to death. Sometimes I think death is near to me and my life is being going to be death. I don’t get any answers from GOD. Only GOD knows what’s another chapters are still remaining in my life. I consider all of these are my primary lesson. And I want to be ready for my higher level of lessons. Continuously I am being hopeless and after a few moments again I am seeing dreams, hope. Nobody know me better than myself.

Slowly going to the near stage of death. But I want to struggle and I want to see the brighter light in my life which I am looking for. Life is going. Sadness covers me sometimes. Dreams make me awake. Sorrow bring tears and small kicking to obstacle make me enough happy. I am being slowly unable to solve the puzzle of my life. And I am being afraid. In this lonely world of living, I am going alone, I am walking alone, I am running alone and I am destroying myself alone. I can’t blame anybody for the situations. It’s totally related to my thinking capacity, problem solving capacity and struggling power and inspirational backup that was generated by myself. I am leading a continuously?desperate?situation of my life. Why I bring the problem to solve a problem. And each problem is greater than the previous problem. Why? My philosophy for sadness never betray me but why again I see dreams and fall in down into hope?

Questions and answers of all of the above questions are still remaining hidden. Dream is making me alive always. Thanks GOD for making me such a struggling boy.

[missing my mother]

Shaharia is a professional software engineer with more than 10 years of experience in the relevant fields. Digital ad certified, cloud platform architect, Big data enthusiasts, tech early adopters.

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